Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
