If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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