Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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