I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
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