he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
