i just had sex bonerless
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
