Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
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Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
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Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize