I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
