Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
