My first STD was from a foam party
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
