I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
there is glitter all over my balls
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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