i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
