i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
