JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
