Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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