i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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