If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
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I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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