Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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