i think i have herpe
just one?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
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i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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