The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
