You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
