My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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