Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
