Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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