every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
