some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
