Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
