so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
