the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
