if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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