Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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