if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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