Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
