Where are you?
In a non slutty way
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
