kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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