Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
