When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
