in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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