i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
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She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
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Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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