Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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