New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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