I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
