I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
