Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
