I'm so fucking centered right now
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
