Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
