I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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