Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
