He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
