Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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