So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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