If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
