you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
