i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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