So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
