Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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