He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
