just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
