He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
