So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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